CAUTION: Sarcasm ahead

FAQ’s:

How dare you wink at me / like my photos??!!

I’m a basic user, if I’ve winked / liked your photo it’s because I’m keen to chat and that’s the only way I can initiate messaging, so if you’d like to chat back just reply.

You liked my profile, but you’re based in Christchurch?

Yes I am. I travel around the South Island on a weekly basis, so if I’ve liked your profile or photo, it probably means I’ll be in your area in the near future. 

Do you know the Japanese flag?

Yes gentlemen I know the Japanese flag, and no gentlemen I am not interested in you making my arsehole look like it 🤣 I’ve often said that every hole is a goal, but in this instance it’s not my preference, happy to have a beer and banter though

Are you bi?

I can kind of speak a couple of languages, does that count??!! No sword fights please 🤣

Do you have pictures? 

Yes, I do have pictures thanks for asking. I may choose to share them with you if we chat a bit, most likely via a messenger platform that doesn’t use our phone numbers.

Can you send a dick pic?

Eh no, no I can’t. If you really need one, there are plenty available for your perusal on this site. I think it’s one of the only natural occurring forms that we can legitimately say “they all look similar - small, far away 🤣” 

Do you have 8 inches? 

Certainly not but I try really hard! As a side note, I’d be extremely interested in seeing some of you ladies taking the equivalent of a child’s arm holding an apple 🤣 for us mere mortals, the logistics of it are the interesting bit.  gents if you have a ham javelin of that caliber, I salute you 🤣 I’d need a blood transfusion to wield a weapon of that size 🤣

Do you have any banter?

Fair question, I think I do, but you may think it’s shit - and I’d often agree. If you enjoy smutty innuendo and Olympic level sarcasm , we may get along, otherwise you might want to give me a wide berth.

Do you have 🦵?

Why yes I do, I’m sure you clever readers can work it out from my username.