THE BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:

1. No sleeping over - UNLESS IT IS VERY GOOD AND WE NEED TO REPEAT IT IN THE MORNING. 
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9pm (we do not have anything to talk about).
4. None of that "lovemaking" stuff--strictly mind-blowing sex allowed. 
5. No emotional discussions... (Ex. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me? - Hell no- so do not ask stupid questions.)
6. No plans made in advance ... that is why you are called the "backup" unless you are from out of town-then its only a one time advanced arrangement. 
(removed by admin)
8. No baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged).
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers (it is really none of your damn business).
10. No kissing, it's too intimate (except to other body parts).
11. No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends just sex buddies).
12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK (do not be offended).
13. No extra clothing (I do not want your *** leaving anything behind when you leave).
14. No falling asleep right after sex (get your *** up and go home).
15. Don't be offended if I do not ask if you enjoyed it (I do not care).
16. You cannot borrow my car for any reason. 
17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend".
18. Doggie style preferred (just hit it hard and right or get the hell out).
19. Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact the better (do not want to look at your *** - just want to have sex with you).
20. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes ME (so do not keep calling damn it).
21. The most important one - (NO CONDOMS-NO SEX).
22. Bring your own drink (I am not your liquor store).
23. No phone usage please (do not want anyone calling back looking for your ***).

* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, this Agreement will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. You will be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly *** understands the rules