Hi

PLEASE READ FIRST (bullet pointed for your convenience):

a) We're free members at the moment to test this site. This means if you want a conversation you'll need to message us first (long pause to let that information sink in...........................). Sending album requests to view pics doesn't seem to work well on free memberships so you'll need to have at least 1 pic on your profile that isn't someone else. We are happy to use email or other apps as the exchange medium for pictures (see 'h' below). 

b) For all the people sending us friend requests without any pics on your profile whatsoever, why, just why?

c) Thank you for all the likes and winks but words speak louder than, ummm......

d) Single guys sending such low caliber messages like 'she's hot' has as much point as a broken hb pencil but gives us great joy as we make comparisons between your vocabulary and the vocabulary of the native Okavango Delta baboon.

e) Our biggest turn off is people that take weeks to reply. Why are you on here? Apparently this is normal for this site. It makes us think you're not genuine. We have crazy busy lives but a minute of keyboard tapping can go a long way.  

f) People from over 200km away, again, thanks, but unless you're a travelling Amway salesman with clientele in our area it ain't gonna work. It's challenging enough coinciding schedules with people in and around Auckland. 

g) Nobody large enough to have previously worked on a cruise liner as the emergency ballast system.

h) Should we engage in texts and emails we are happy to show you what we look like so you know we don't have angry villagers chasing us with pitchforks. Please under no circumstances keep asking us for adult pictures - go to a peep show. WE ALSO DON'T ACCEPT PICTURES OF YOU WITH SUNGLASSES. We've been flabbergasted at the amount of people that send us pics of them wearing hats and sunglasses (like undercover operatives) - why bother sending anything at all? If you do, and in keeping with the spirit of complete anonymity,  we'll send pics of random people online that sort of look like us so you get a ball park (and we mean Yankee stadium size) indication of what we kinda sorta possibly maybe look like (they will also be wearing hats/sunglasses/and maybe the odd religious head piece).  We prefer using to swap a couple of pics and to chat. We've had people say they don't have . Either did we until we downloaded it for free  In Kim Jong-un's famous words to Donald Trump: 'It not hard'.

i) We swear we're not this high maintenance in person. This is just a filtration system that eradicates % of all germs. 

j) Men (of the couple, and in some cases women), as much as Magnum PI was great in his heyday, we just aren't attracted to men who have beards and moustaches. Gillette became a household name for a reason.

k) Anyone using the abomination of the English language : 'yous' will be tarred and feathered and locked in the town stock where you will be subjected to round the clock rotten fruit pelting. Then you'll be made to do Primary school alllllllllllllllllllllll over again. 

We are actually really nice people but have become mildly cynical about other members of our species. We live in wavering hope there are other moustache free, intelligent, spell-checked, genuine life out there.

Sigh......

......Hi guys and girls,

We're a friendly, chatty, welcoming, non judgmental (hard to believe, right), and contrary to the above bullet point implications - unpretentious, well presented couple looking for like-minded people to share good times with. We prefer people with the ability to string cohesive sentences together. Mutual respect goes a long way too. Ideally looking for couple friends with a twist.

We also appreciate people who are genuinely here to meet up. Previous experience has shown us this is a minority demographic apart from salivating single men. On this note, just why are there so many single men on here? Last time I looked we didn't have a gender birth programme like China.  

We're looking for people who also feel, like we do, that cursory messages are important but are not here just to tap fingers with others. Whilst we get a tiny dopamine tingle when getting likes, winks and friend requests, nothing beats an old fashioned message. To save you and particularly us, time, we are fine and our day is going well. Thanks for asking. 

We swear, the next time someone asks us how we are, we're going to send you a full page explanation in glorious and tedious detail. You were warned.

We do however hold some hope to meet decent, well presented, honest, imaginative, friendly and genuine couples. We see this also as an opportunity to have great conversations and laughs too. People with the personalities of shop front mannequins need not apply. We expect to be entertained.