According to a recent US study, like fine wines and whisky, sex only gets better with time.

Lead researcher Miri Forbes, of the University of Minnesota, says more mature lovers tend to focus on quality over quantity in the bedroom, with the extra 'thought and effort' they put into sex countering a possible drop off in libido. The scientist researchers found that sex improves as we get older because we develop more 'sexual wisdom' in our later years.

The more mature sexual partners draw on their life experiences to make themselves more considerate sexual partners and just goal-oriented sex – for the sake of an orgasm becomes less of a driving force. Enjoyment and partner fulfilment become more assertive.

This means that if a 40-year-old man and 50-year-old man had sex with the same number of partners, the 50-year-old would have the better sex life!

"When we matched older and younger adults on key characteristics of their sex lives - along with socio-demographic characteristics, and mental and physical health – more mature adults actually had the better sexual quality of life".

Miri Forbes added: "Together these findings suggest that as we age, our sexual priorities change and we develop knowledge, skills and preferences that protect against aging-related declines in sexual quality of life. Since wisdom is 'the quality of having experience, knowledge and good judgment', our study suggests that life experience is fostering sexual wisdom.

Sexual preference also changes. More mature adults are more open to putting the old stereotypes of sex behind them. Males tend to be less homophobic and more open to MM play than before. “Why not?” said an interviewee  ...  ...  “If my wife enjoys it, why not me? Doesn’t mean it changes my sexual preferences - just a more complete enjoyment. I’m not gay because I enjoy or accept another man in our partner play! It’s not Bi-sexual, rather Bi-situational.”

A study in 2016 by the International Longevity Centre showed that for many people, a satisfying sex life does not end when they reach retirement age. One in four men over the age of 85 and one in every ten women reported good sexual activity in the past year.

Erectile dysfunction - which was reported by two-thirds of men over 65 - also appeared to pose no barrier to a healthy sex life.

"This is great news, as a satisfying sex life has been found to be important for health and well-being, regardless of age.

The benefits of sex have been well documented and the UK NHS guidelines state that it can be good for your heart and counts towards the amount of exercise you should do each week. Sex can also stave off dementia and reduce the risk of angina and ulcers.

So, it all shows that contrary to the belief of the ‘younger generation’, more mature people aren’t spending their years hunched over a bowl of porridge - they’re actually living and having fun!

Silver Couples  ...  ... here’s to a great 2017!!

Sex Addiction or Enjoyment Compulsive?

Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterised by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts ( ). Sex addiction is exploiting others for sex. It’s going through life hurting other people and ultimately being self-destructive.

Sure there are people that fall into this category but from all scientific and researched accounts they form a very small minority – very small.

It is generally thought that a sex addict suffers the disorder because they are never satisfied. This is something I do not necessarily believe, in fact, let me go as far to say, this is a misconception.

A new study from researchers at UCLA reveals that sexual "addiction" may be nothing more than a strong sexual desire.  A Compulsion rather than an addiction.

The ‘sex addict’ is in reality a sexual athlete, the goal is always orgasm, sex the constant training regime. The relentless quest for sex is life on the high wire. Everything else is a safety net. Life without sex becomes a treadmill that takes the addict laboriously through one thing after another – waking, working, all the routines of daily life - walking, eating, sleeping, shopping  –  forever waiting for the next gut-wrenching, heart-stopping moment of orgasmic climax.

A sex addict sees everything through the prism of sex. A stranger across the room is instantly weighed up, judged, measured. Will he - or she - be available, good? Does that twinkle in his eye say he is looking back across the room and measuring you up for a potential sexual pas de Deux? Like the drug addict craving their next fix, the sex addict waits breathlessly for their next orgasm.

Orgasm for most of us being that moment when the body melts and the soul becomes one with the universe. For the addict – just another high or maybe, just another conquest, a notch.

Being a sex addict makes it hard on relationships, as Michael Douglas discovered when he admitted his addiction, upsetting his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones. Tiger Woods, another high-profile sexual athlete with a sad result. But, sadly, or happily, depending on your point of view, it is one addiction that seemingly has no cure ...  ...  again Tiger Woods.

For most of us, we take sex far too seriously. Sure there is a place for this but sex is also fun, enjoyment, the forbidden happiness we don’t usually allow ourselves to enjoy. We have unfortunately been told from almost day one that sex is something dirty, something to be preserved at all costs until marriage, the forbidden fruit of Adam and Eve

But we love to have sex. We love to share our sexual exploits. Sex is good, and its healthy, it’s the best.

So what is wrong with that? Nothing in my book – with one caveat, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else and is totally consensual. Sex is not something that is meant to be taken seriously all of the time. Let go of the past – enjoy, have some fun. We are animals born to have sex and not always for breeding. Sex is our birthright.

For me as a man being able to enjoy my partner, treat her/him with respect, knowing how to indulge in my partner’s desires is the ultimate sexual high – with or without orgasm. I am told by my lebensgefahrtin – my life’s fellow traveller, my goddess  that there is nothing more feminine than being on her  knees giving really good head or taking a man, new or known into one of her moist openings.

And it’s not just women who tell that feeling desired is a great confidence builder and that most reported enjoying being seduced and desired. This goes for men as well. History has placed the male partner as the hunter. Today that is both historical and hysterical. It’s all about everyone. It should be all about your partner. It’s about enjoyment, fun and above all making each participant happy.

It’s not sex compulsion – rather enjoyment compulsion!

©JM 2016

When it comes to sex, there’s one act that hits the spot, so to speak, time and time again – oral sex. As the name suggests, oral sex is making love with your partner using your mouth, your lips, your tongue and your breath. In my opinion, even when oral sex is not that good, it is still great and when it’s good, it’s exciting but the difference between great and exciting is quite an order of magnitude! There is one certainty that we should all be aware of: no matter whether you are a novice or regard yourself as a connoisseur, there is always more to learn – there are always we can do so much better and lift the excitement to that “Wow – please don’t stop!”

Maybe you aren’t a big fan of Opera  - the uplifting Italian love arias, or the German Wagnerian heroes and Heroines, or even the comedic flair of Gilbert & Sullivan. There is something in operatic music that to me is the passion of life.

For years I sang Opera and Musical Theatre on many of the major stages of the world especially throughout Germany. I was privileged to learn from some of the great masters of my craft and later became an exacting, yet caring teacher to many aspiring singers.

Little did I know that what I learned as a singer and taught would apply to arts in the bed chamber. In the first instance, I developed a breathing control many only dream of and even though I do not sing professionally anymore I still teach couples the art of breathing for sublime pleasure (we will talk about this in a separate blog.) I pride myself on being fairly agile with my tongue, lips and mouth and I have been using many of the techniques that I learned when studying singing that helped me become an amazing giver of oral sex – and the best thing is that I enjoy it!

One of the biggest culprits to a singer is tension; jaw tension, tongue tension, neck tension and believe it or not pelvic floor tension. In many of my classes, I teach exercises to help an awareness of tension and ways to release tension. You may not even be aware that neck and jaw tension are having an effect on your abilities as a lover. So the first step – be aware! Are you clenching your teeth, are your shoulders lifted up and tight, is your tongue curled up in your mouth?

Many of you will know how to do kegels by tightening the pelvic muscles – well the same principle applies to the shoulder, neck and jaw area. Try tensing these areas as you take a nice deep breath, then relax the tension as you exhale. Other ways to help relax tension are through massage, stretching and movement.

No, I am not here to give you the techniques to exemplary oral pleasure. My recommendation is that you read Ian Kerner ‘s new  radical new philosophy for pleasuring women She Comes First and Passionista - the Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring Her Man  ...  ...… both  essential guidebooks to oral sex.

There are amazing things you can do with your mouth and tongue and with a few simple techniques, you can take your oral sex skills to a new level of mastery. You know when you are doing something right when you can see the look of excitement and pleasure in the eyes of your partner.

The journey through all the varying levels of lovemaking is the most pleasurable experience. Not necessarily just the end result. It’s all about making your partner feel like a true goddess or god.

From our blog site have received some interesting - and read-worthy responses:

"Thoughtful read, Kiwi. On several points I hesitated to concur, but your reasoning was sound. Now expand the thought to apply to all aggressive people -- men and women -- in the lifestyle. Mrs. Enlightened can tell some bizzarro stories about aggressive women that have ruined her evening (and ours by inference) because the XX chromosome made aggressive plays that were not reciprocated and refused to accept polite rejection. Those negative experiences have, with a couple of rare exceptions, chased the missus away from her curiosities. What names would you put on kind/sweet women and shallow/aggressive women? Gender equity, gender respect."

"Excellent read. As for male dominance and fatherhood, there have been a few studies that concluded that dominant men that enter into a relationship with a partner and have children with that partner, actually do experience some changes in their chemical composition that enables joyful focused nurturing, and that shared nurturing of their offspring tightens the bond. Interestingly enough, those same studies suggest that alpha males, who had a larger dose of prenatal and developmental testosterone were the most likely to have that sort of life experience. There is a difference between a confident masculine alpha male and a male who displays a blustery don't tread on me display. Most of the punks we all knew in our adolescence that made such displays, were pretty absent of athleticism or intellectual pursuits. Guys like that often become aggressive maybe to compensate for their own awareness of their deficits. Exclusion from the human herd often follows, and that exacerbates the problem. Our experience is that does not change much for some men as the years go by. There are a lot of great guys involved in the lifestyle, both married and single. Great guys can come from all sorts of backgrounds and have really varied interest. Mrs. Delicious will tell you that great guys usually make great lovers! Really aggressive pushy males, be they married or single, probably push because they recognize they have insufficient social and sexual skills to really win a woman's interest."

"As for antisocial behaviorist, male or female, thinking that swinging will be a gold mine, they need to think again. Swinging requires excellent social skills. We suspect that quite a few predatory sorts inhabit the online swing community, because all you have to do is buy a membership. They may even find their way into the larger events. As for inclusion into the more intimate social circles, hell no, we have found the community looks after it's own."

The Swinging Lifestyle is as diverse as there are species on this earth. Attitudes, cultures and expectations vary from one end of the spectrum to the other. While recognising this fact and accepting it, and after years of experience in this lifestyle we are going to opine from our particular point of view. Having discussed this often with others in the Lifestyle it is an opinion which is widely espoused. And that is aggression – in particular, male aggression and pressure to have sex

The latter is no one’s right, it is a privilege not to be abused.

We have experienced situations where the male sex partner seems only interested in one thing to the shut-out of all else, and that is his own cravings, satisfaction and performance.

Many will assert that aggressive males can be appealing  in fact, some women we have spoken to have told us that they like male aggressiveness, however, the majority go on to point out that only when they (the partners) are wanting it. Love-making or sex moments are ideally meant to give and receive sexual pleasure but if either of the partners is unduly aggressive in their sexual acts, the entire experience ends up causing discomfort and marring sexual bliss.

Research has established that generally speaking, women must choose between two types of men: dads and cads (Psychology Today). On the one hand, dads are typically more respectful, warm, caring, and aware of their partner’s needs and feelings. Yet they usually appear as less charismatic and dominant than their caddish counterparts. On the other hand, cads can generally speaking be – or appear to be sexier, with their narrow eyes and strong jaws but they also tend to be flashy, shallow and exploitative of others. Even worse, these masculine men often embody the Dark Triad, a personality constellation that encompasses Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism. This in turn leads them to resort to painfully satisfying their sexual cravings. Sadly many men do not even recognise that they have this problem.

Some gender theorists go as far to argue that ostentatious displays of aggression are not because men feel powerful, but precisely the opposite – because they lack societal recognition or power. This generally has a parallel with antisocial behaviour.

All relationships require some measure of reciprocity. Sex partners should enrich each other’s experience not merely perform, otherwise ‘objectified’ becomes the result and the woman feels used - not necessarily abused, but used and it is as if she was there merely to be the chattel for being fucked. If this is the case and since brothels are legalised in this country, they are an option for the aggressive male. Don’t bring it on my wife/partner.

Treating your sex partner with respect, reverence, kindness and caring – that’s where the magic of pleasure begins. And this is precisely where we as a couple in the lifestyle fit in!

We just love the friendship aspects of this style of life, talking openly and being ‘sassy’; meeting for a meal or drinks with our friends when the meeting is not just a means to an end but rather is the ‘end’; just sitting around talking with no sex involved; the soft-sex times; interesting and intelligent conversation and storytelling; pash-ups in the kitchen; a good old ‘scrag’ on the living room floor; our hot-tub sessions; sex under the stars; romance and foreplay; naturally bedroom play; the occasional pink bum; puppy piles when no one knows whose hand is on whom or on what; not really into one nighters except when we are travelling; and generally as we say, ‘to enjoy our sexuality and to share it in as many ways as may fit for us.’

So what do we ideally look for in this way of a modern open and accepting life?

Ideally, we look for like minded intelligent couples that love and respect their partner and are ready to enjoy new friendships and relationships in and out of the bedroom.

We are a fun loving, mature, professional couple with an incredible group of friends all over the world – aged from 28 to late 70’s and across the full culture, social and economic spectrum of life – after all, it’s the individual that counts  ...  ... the people we have great synergy with tend to be friendly and social; open minded rather than hard-core; laughing rather than full-on intensity; intelligent and interesting; no pressure or drama; are not aggressive and have absolute respect for the individual. And we are quite happy to lead those feeling their way. We are not a pressure, must fuck couple!

Aggression is not on our list! In fact, a partner that turns out to be aggressive is afterwards picked up by the collar and flicked like a weasel into the disregard-until-change bucket!

We enjoy hosting compatible travellers from out-of-town with no pressure, no expectations and definitely with no strings attached!

We know from our experience this scene is amazing for the deep friendships one can form with friends from near and far - and the benefits are definitely a plus!

Comments  ...  ...  What is/are your experience/s?  :swingingchair: