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Sex_is_fun
1 month ago
Straight Male, 54
Bi-curious Female, 54
0 km · Southland
Forum
Just letting people know there is a part in Invercargill 18th June.
It is advertised elsewhere. From the information provided:
Bring your awesome sexy selfs and lets "Play"
This "Play" night is open to couples and single females.
No "Play" in lounge, but nudity welcome.
It's a BYO and bring own towel
We are supplying the Venue,Supper,Drink mixers,Condoms Lube
All welcome but we require face pics before event
We would say quite normal.
Your thoughts and concerns are also normal. What you have mentioned is a part of the picture.
There are many who jump in without considering the consequences fully. This can be a recipe for disaster.
It really comes down to if you are totally secure in your relationship and that you both can separate the act of sex from love.
Sex does not equal love.
Sex is physical, love is emotional, when both come together that is the ultimate.
You must be secure enough that you know your partner is not looking for a relationship replacement. Alternate and/or additional sex partners sure.
There will be guys that are bigger, last longer, different techniques..etc etc....This is the reality.
As yes it can be as much fun, sometimes more, watching your partner enjoying themselves so much "in the moment" as it is participating yourself
All you can do is discuss it all fully together.
As to if you are ready, only you can answer that.
Dice is a good option, as is strip cards or twister.
We have a game called 4play
Lingerie show, underwear only,
Spa is great option to get people used to being naked in close proximity to others.
Of course the straight to the point "Would you like to........?"
If it is the ladies who take the lead, actions speak much louder than words and we are yet to see the men try or want to stop them when this happens.
Every time we play we take a risk. With that we totally agree, however that risk is vastly reduced by using priotection.
The fact that cream pie is without protection means no go for us = unacceptable high risk.
Bare back is just for us - together. Protection is for playtime.
The vast majority of those we know are the same.
Re: group sex, in our experience safe sex is always the norm.
It comes down to your choice, like anything else in this lifestyle.
You can request/insist that your playmates use protection.
That is your right and it should be accepted and respected without question.
STI's, aids etc is still out there.
We dont want to catch something, especially something you cant get rid of.
It is as much about protecting each other as pertecting ourselves.
no expectations more than just that.
We have met a lot of couples a parties or clubs.
People often wrongly think that a club or party is an all out orgy and a free-for-all.
They are a good way to meet people - real swingers.
You can learn so much from others by chatting and you dont have to participate any more than that, if dont want to.
If the reason is valid, why not tell them?
Surely they would understand?
We dont care what standards or morals other have.
We dont care what they do or dont do.
Cheat on your partner or dont. Not our problem.
Involving us or trying to, becomes our problem.
We hear "valid" reasons for cheating all the time.
Might be true, might not be.
How could we know if we did not ask the partner?
So you played with a woman who was married?
Did you ask her relationship situation first?
Ever mentioning/releasing someones real name in public is an un-written rule, and should not be broken.
Involving family, friends or acquaintances, it so far out of bounds....
If you are prepared to say something in public, it might as well be written on the front page of a news paper. And you should be prepared for the same to be done to you.
Its called karma.
This can be very destructive for all.
Unfortunately we have seen this happen before IRL, Names etc released... intentionally and directly to friends, relations, work colleagues.
We totally agree that everyone has the right to your personal relationship and situation (if you tell and/or have your partners permission) private,
but equally everyone has the right to use this as a criteria for choosing playmates.
As such asking the question(s) should receive an honest answer.
Than an informed decision can be made.
If you dont like the situation, dont go there.
Swinging is about freedom of choice.
That is an interesting perspective, and there is some valid reasoning behind it.
Because of their "position" they are unlikely to run off and tell their mates or cause any issues for fear of their partner finding out.
All quite true.
From our perspective, we prefer people with the same honesty and openness with their partner.
If the partner knows and is ok with it, then fine.
We need to know and trust that each other is not shopping/looking for another.
We could not be a part of this lifestyle if we were lyeing to each other.
If, an unknowing partner were to find out, we would not want to be blamed or implicated.
After all it was their choice to deceive or hide this from the partner, not ours.
The reality is that very often the innocent persons (couple) will be blamed for the cheating, not the one who cheated.
Unfortunately we have seen this in reality, the result was not nice for anyone.
With the freedom that swinging can bring, comes personal choice.
An open question swinging couples;
As a couple who swing together, how would you feel, if your partner started playing alone and did not tell you?
How would you react?
Caution is always a good thing, some may take it a bit far, however what price do you put on safety?
Personal safety is especially an issue for single women or those who play alone.
A text to a friend (would assume they know about your lifestyle) can be a good idea, if you are going with someone or away from a public place or to somewhwere unexpected.
We have done exactly that in the past. Texted a friend with location, and car regos.
A first meeting in public seems to be the normal proceedure. Guess it depends on if your are going on to play directly after.
We always exchange face photos before meeting for a coffee or drink....if they dont match the person(s)... it is a no.
Trust is a big part of the equation. Listen to your gut, if it feels wrong dont do it.
A question; Would you object or allow having your photo taken (with your knowledge) so it could be sent to someone for security?
If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear?
After all, this is a person or persons you are going (we assume this is why you are leaving a public place) to have sex with.
enjoying watching your partner sexually pleasured by another.
All swingers we know enjoy seeing their partner pleasured.
We both get great enjoyment out of seeing each other in the throws of extacy.
However;
Coukold is where the woman takes control and is dominant and her man will accept what she wants and do as he is told.
Urban dictionary:
A sexually inadequate husband who accepts his wife's pussy is her solely property and she alone decides which men she will fuck,even if it means denying her husband. His only access to her pussy is to clean it of the ejaculate of males she chooses to fuck.
or
A cuckold is a husband whose wife has had sex with someone else. By doing this, she cuckolds him.
This is an old-fashioned word you can find in many Shakespeare plays, though cuckolding is certainly older than Shakespeare and will always exist as long as there are marriages. A man can't cuckold a woman: only a wife can cuckold her husband. By sleeping with another man, she makes her husband a cuckold.
Basically he has no choice, if he wants to remain with her.
Common(mis)conception; anklet on the right ankle, thumb or toe ring.
Wedding ring on the right hand, (is custom in some countries)
Bracelet on the left ankle.
Simply you cannot know, unless the person/people are very open publicly with swinging and wearing blatant clothing or accessories.
Bands are used at some events, especially where both swingers and vanillas are at a risque type event.
you cant have an intelligent conversation from those set in their position.
The article its self is quite well written and makes many good points.
Many of the comments however, are based in ignorance and opinion that has no experience wither of the lifestyle or even knowing anyone involved.
Simply:
Swinging certainly does NOT mean a lack of attraction for ones partner
Swinging can very easily destroy and unsound relationship.
Yes - women control the swinging world, without them there is little place for males.
Not that we know of for sure.
There are many so called signals/indicators, but in reality it is very easy to confuse most of them.
Vanillas often are seen wearing "lifestyle" indicators and most swingers unaware of any indicators at all.
We long ago stopped placing any faith in such things, although it becomes a topic of conversation when we see someone showing an sign.
"Wonder if she knows? Do you think it might be for real or just another unknown?"..
Should we ask and find out?
You cant have a sensible adult discussion with those who don't understand, or more importantly wont even challenge their own mindset that the reality might be very different than what they imagine.
They "beliefs" of some that they understand, because they have "seen it before", is totally contradicted by how they then proceed to try and explain
We have friends in your situation, both male and female. We dont ignore them, but neither are they part of our adult play times anymore.
Are you asking "why am I no longer invited?" or still accepted in the swinging community?
Our answer is, we only play with couples. This seems to be the most common position of swingers.
This last party it just so happend that there were only 2 from KS plus us and most from other places.
Who knows the locals might have had something else on, baby sitters, work, we might not be to their tatse, they may not attend parties, or any number of other reasons for not attending.
All sites have a percentage of time wasters.
When it comes to a party you just remove their names from the attending list.
Sorry to those who were interested in attending, This event will not be running this year.
There has not been enough interested for this event to proceed.
Past events have had 25-35 couples attending.
This maybe the clash with the Fetish Ball.
We will however be running a house party,at our home in Central Southland.
We might look at a larger event an=gain in the future.
Where: Queenstown
When: Either Saturday 26th October or 2nd November (yet to be confirmed)
If its anything like the others it will be a great night, with 25-35 Couples
If you are new or starting out, it is a great way to real meet people, even if you do not paritcipate.
Send us a message if you have any questions.
